We have to fake our way to where we need to be; we have to pretend to be more compassionate and gracious, generous and kind, than we are; we have to collude with one another to treat the other the way we wish we felt about the other; we lie our way to the kingdom of God.

Not one of us is instantaneously gracious. We have to act our way there. We treat one another with honor and respect that neither of us deserves. It is all a show, but an essential one. Civilization is built upon our willingness to pretend that we are more gracious than we are—and, to pretend that we are not pretending. This is a necessary lie. Everything hinges upon our living the lie, because very few of us are as gracious as we need to be at any particular point in our lives. We have to act more gracious than we are.

We cannot be kind because we ought to be. We cannot be compassionate because we are told to be. We cannot be commanded to live in right relationship with each other. But, we can fake it. And, in the end, I don’t really care how you actually feel about me—if you treat me with kindness and compassion, that is enough. A good show is all it takes.

And if we fake it well enough, long enough, graciousness and compassion (and all the other soft values) become “second nature” to us. If we fake it well enough, long enough, we will cross a line at some point, and actually become who we are pretending to be. For all practical purposes, we will be naturally gracious, spontaneously kind. But, it takes practice to get there. We have to work the lie for it to become real.

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